Saturday, December 26, 2009

Christmas Reflections

So, Christmas was pretty great
minus the few times I was subject to the horrors
of Christmas music,
yes, I hate it, call me a scrooge
whatevz, Christmas is about way more than 
cheesy songs about sexing up Santa, his lane
and the like
the only Christmas song I enjoy is Last Christmas
preferably the Ashley Tisdale version, 
that is truly all
I could listen to her sing it all year round
I'll quickly sum up my Christmas:
Tofurky [God's greatest creation]
Colombian songs to Baby Jesus
mountains of tulle
lots of lace
velvet ruffled heels
floral print 
grandma earrings
& Saraswati: my Hindu goddess
she's just so fabulous
and she guides me in my educational ventures 
I got a hand carved pendant of her
with various arms, instruments 
and long flowing mermaid hair
she is naked
with large breasts,
looking like a sexy porn star:
that's my kind of goddess
she looks hardly like the demure & reserved goddess here
she is a bombshell, but nonetheless very amazing and helpful 
she likes candy offerings very much
so I keep her satisfied with lots of Tootsie Roll Pops & other goodies
anyhow, I thank Religion 152-01
Religions of Asia, for introducing me to her glory
I also thank Forever 21
for being so good to me this Christmas. 

Birthday Cake Remix [The Song of my Heart]

When I sit alone at Vassar
with only the solace of a sometimes working fro-yo machine
that emits "fro yo" that just tastes like bad vanilla soft serve
not the tart tangy goodness that I'm used to
the kind that goes with chopped bananas and strawberries
and kiwis and pineapple 
[its sad when you're at college and the one thing you crave is fruit]
because all the dining hall has is
half sweet oranges, not quite ripe bananas, and apples :/
so my heart yearns for Cold Stone
the creamy, yummy, almost sexy goodness of 
those ice  cream confections
and when I think about the combination
of cake batter ice cream, brownies and sprinkles
my heart sings a ballad
a lamenting melody
because, what can be worse than impostor fro yo?
absolutely nothing... except not having Cold Stone...or fresh fruit
so basically, when I got Cold Stone
and ordered that Gotta Have It! Birthday Cake Remix
my heart no longer sang its sad ballad
but it began to bump
some electro beats
and I filled that empty Cold Stone 
on that cold winter day
with music, loud music, and smiles
and now, as I watch Iron Chef from 5 years ago
I'm craving ice cream
for it is my one, true love.

P.S. I hate college food, I'll never go back.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


When I get an apartment, 
the first thing I want to get is a chandelier
a beautiful, glittering, colorful chandelier
I don't even need a couch
a quilt on the floor will suffice
just a chandelier, I'll watch it sparkle.

Skinned Knees & the 90s: Part Deux [The Spill]

So, picking up from the nauseating
but still slightly beautiful resurgence of the 90s 
me & Monica continued shopping, 
braving the ugly filth covering the crowded sidewalks in Soho
to go to H&M, where the sale racks were beautiful and the tight spandex shirt that Monica got 
was even better
so good that Monica continued to proclaim that the slush will be the downfall of her 
reassuring herself with statements like "well at least if i fall I have another skirt to put on"
me & Monica slipped down each curb, looking for each clear patch 
and then Monica met her predicted fate
taking a beautiful hot mess spill
 in a street on Broadway
her bad luck could not even wait until she got to a sidewalk, nope she was going down, right there, in a pile of sludge
thank god it was a red light
because I cannot afford to lose my best friend
so close to Christmas
before we even got to cook and make margaritas
plus, she bakes the best Christmas cookies,
and I have yet to had any, so she could not leave me just yet
so she fell, everything happened so fast
next thing I know she's on the ground, still looking cute in a purple spandex skirt, gray suede slouchy boots, lacey tights, and knee highs 
[props on the cuteness Monica]
the slush splashed, covering her coat, all her shopping bags, boots and hands
it was a pretty tragedy
but Monica recovered quite glamorously
she wiped away the blood on her knees 
as the blood formed the pattern of her lace tights
yes, my best friend bleeds fashionably
that's the way it should be done
so like a diva, Monica changed into a new skirt and boots, in an Au Bon Pain
inciting a riot of sorts on the waiting line
yes, Au Bon Pain became our personal emergency room
and as Monica's knee bled and all her bags were ruined,
she looked up at me and said
"I just feel so glamorous right now"
and that is why she is my best friend.

Skinned Knees & the 90s [The Noms]

Once upon a time there were two princesses 
who were beasts for corn, Monica & Alyssa :]
and they went to galavant through Soho
and spend all their money
the snow was piled high and the slush was dangerous
Alyssa slipped and slid through Chinatown eating a sponge cake 
[one of gods greatest creations]
as Monica browsed in Old Navy,
they were both ready for an adventure
anyways, forget the fairy tale
Chinatown may be the worst place to be when there is a foot of snow and 
ten tons of ugly gray slush all over the place
and there is no way the city could look uglier than it does now
slush is just so depressing even when you're eating a delectable light fluffy cake
but all the slipping and sliding was worth Monica and the corn
so after gossiping & lamenting in Steven Madden 
we set out to Cafe Habana on Prince Street, the place where dreams come true
Zagat calls it a "groovy" Nolita "hole-in the wall"
man do I love the Zagat
so squeezed in to the Habana outpost, where the line extended to the cold outside the door
me & Monica got grilled corn on skewers, prepared classically Mexican 
with tons of crumbly cheese and chili powder
and bubbly, pink guava soda
real authentic, out of a glass bottle
just a squeeze of lime, and the corn was ready to be nommed
it was delicious
and all the chili powder made my lips burn
and sorta swell, but its worth it 
worth all the cheese crumbles that littered my lap
the tranny lips and smudged lipstick
boy do me & Monica love corn
but what do me & Monica love possibly more than corn you ask?
the 90s
and they are truly making a comeback
but I'm not quite sure I'm prepared for that
I mean, I'm not even twenty yet
my childhood wasn't that long ago for it to be trendy yet
but apparently Forever 21 thinks it should be
so while I was browsing in Urban Outfitters, elsewhere there was a 90s explosion
I mean, I don't even know what I prefer,
the ugly tweeds in Urban
could anything make you look fatter than tweed?
or the Crayola colored cropped fur jackets
circa the late 90s, think Britney & Christina at the Grammys
I saw a particularly revolting purple one
and I can't forget the butterfly tops and the dresses with cutouts
if I saw anyone in these, I would simply die

I love nostalgia and all
but that is just taking it to another level
next thing you know, 
platform sneakers are going to be in again.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Blizzard with Jane

So last night I watched Monster In Law
for maybe the 5th time
and I have to admit, 
right here,
that it is one of my favorite movies ever
yes it is true
I must be a sucker for Jennifer Lopez
romantic comedies
and for the fabulosity of Jane Fonda 
I could not get over what a diva she was
and I have concluded that when I am old
I want to be just like her
white suits
big crazy super chic hats with bows and flowers
red lipstick
and an attitude
I mean, now I have something to look forward to
as all these years go by
it was the perfect way to end my night
Thai food, trudging through a blizzard just to go shopping
because, of course, it could not be done any other day
and my reunion with Forever 21 and Avenue A
at the end of the movie
as J Lo & Jane Fonda made amends
[Jane Fonda looked like a wise, glamourous goddess] <3
and my Christmas tree lights flashed
I burst out into sobs
not your typical pretty tear falling down the cheek
streaking the bronzer at the emotional climax of the movie
nope, not that at all
I sobbed, a full on cry
how pathetic
just plain sad
me, with my fleece robot blanket, and too many tears
I still can't tell whether it was because I love the movie that much
or because I was feeling emotional 
about the blizzard
and the foot of snow that the city was blessed with
that would keep me inside and make figuring out what to wear
that much harder
for I refuse to wear/own snow boots
they are just not cute, 
so no thanks

anyways, I give last night 
4 stars
one for my new idol Jane Fonda
one for my amazing new thigh high socks
one for great food (Thai, cupcakes)
and the last for surviving the storm

Friday, December 18, 2009

Vicks Update

Now that I am home
I can actually have real-life Vicks updates and testimonies
Today I found out
that as a cure
for a sore throat,
my grandma has advised swallowing Vicks
you see, thats 
Vicks love on a 
whole other level
as I type the Vicks sits on my mother's night table
I swear she was clutching it in her hands, like a teddy bear whilst under the covers
until she read my Vicks blog
but its ok, 
I understand that deep kind of love for something
after all I got my couch and soon my Pad Thai
  Heaven here I come

Ten Things I Take For Granted

Now that I'm home
back in the city where the air smells different
and the pizza place and about 7 different Chinese 
take out joints are within a one block radius
Wah Lung, Golden Forest, Six Happy Kitchen etc
if I owned a Chinese take out place I would name it
Favorite Panda
that sounds like a perfect name
and I would personally sit in the back steaming dumplings
and making homemade duck sauce
and my priority would be
making the fortunes for the cookies
I would probably say mean things like
"Today you will experience some sort of spill"
"Learn Spanish! bacalao=very salty codfish"
Anyhow, here is my list

1. Clean toilets, and not waking up for a 9 am religion class and sitting in someone else's pee that is sprinkled all over the toilet seat
2. My mother watching Spanish soap operas on Telemundo and yelling at the TV at 11 at night [Learn Spanish! novella=soap opera]
3. Rice & Beans, real island style, not the type they have at the Vegan Station in college
4. The scowls and fast cell phone talk of everyone in Grand Central
5. Dogs that don't exactly know how to play fetch
6. Orange juice, in a carton, and not a dispenser-it feels so much more "fresh from the grove"
7. Walking around barefoot and free, showering with no shower shoes and no hair balls that look like centipedes [that really freaks me out]
8. The view out my window, a bridge and lights and cars and civilization....not an all girl's dorm and a sad snowy quad with the occasional penis snow structure
9. Not having to wait in a large stinking mass of kids to cram into a shuttle to a mall with tiny sized stores, I can leave my house and go shopping immediately 
9 1/2. 99 cent decadent loves of chocolate cake [that look like the cake the fat kid was forced to eat in Matilda]
10. My couch [the new love of my life]
I literally feel like a plump dreaming puppy
on this love seat right now
not a care in the world
just wrap me up in a fleece blanket
peachy as a pup.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

A Fantasy [Noms Edition]

Pad Thai might be the food of the gods
I don't know if that would make Thailand heaven
but they sure do have elephants there
so it might as well be heaven
and if Thailand was heaven 
then God? would ride a golden elephant 
and have an entourage of leopards
as he sits holding a large pot of pad thai
I would hope he eats it with his hands
when you're God chopsticks must be overrated
I'd love to be his right hand lime girl
I'd squeeze ample lime juice in his noodles to
you know
amp up the flavor
then maybe he'd offer me some
and I'd sit in heaven surrounded by bean sprouts, 
noodles, peanuts, and little bits of tofu
I'd wear a dress made out of lime rinds
and I'd smell like spring...
or just lots of limes

That is the fantasy I have every time I go to a Thai restaurant
as I sit drinking my cup of water (I'm too cheap to buy a soda)
maybe dipping some supple little dumplings into soy sauce
making sure to eat all the pieces of chives left at the bottom of the sauce
waiting for spring rolls
pockets of joy
and when the Pad Thai arrives
I'm on that elephant with God
in that lime rind dress
even though green is not my color.

[dedicated to Aiden who can come to Thai heaven too, except in a lemon rind loincloth]

Broken Heel, Broken Heart

Right now I feel,
utterly betrayed
Today on this cold ill-fated December day I decided
to wear my lucky underwear
well, basically they decided to wear me
seeing as they were peeking out of the drawer
bright blue,
with a hot pink gun
the  typical lucky underwear
they gave me hope
I mean, I did have my Native American Studies final today, and it went well
and I got a jelly donut 
I nommed that oozing shining blob inside during my test
I was happy as a plum
seeing as tomorrow I leave the 
dreary PK for home
I get to leave behind my biggest problems
art history flashcards, the dining hall running out of Fro Yo,
reserving the TV to watch CSI NY
etc, typical everyday problems that everyone has
but I guess my lucky underwear ran out of fuel today
because as I was sadly leaving the dining hall
sans brownie a la mode (no fro yo, sadness)
and then it happened:
I fell down the stairs...
not just any fall 
I slipped down each one, and at the bottom
I snapped the heel of my favorite boots off
they were beauties, 
by that I mean suede vintage booties
why do I buy vintage
if it just falls apart?
what a conundrum
so I walked to work
in socks, which conveniently had a hole
the sidewalk was littered with rocks and glass
I scraped my toe
at work about 10 minutes later
I smashed 3 of my fingers with heavy books
and twisted my ankle
the last spurt of luck obviously 
was wasted on that jelly donut, and I'm not quite sure it was worth it
So I'm going to read Precious
and cry my life away
until the 5:40 train tomorrow, because
in the city everything is lucky
and even a bad day is better than the best day in Poughkeepsie.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

An Ode

It all started one day
in a small playground on the Lower East Side
outside of a cluster of projects
the typical metal structure,
red, yellow, blue construction of fun
Who knows why but I must have been 4 
and I was alone
roaming across the black matted ground 
playing by myself on the monkey bars
slipping down the short, cold metal slide
probably in some seriously 90s
 floral print leggings-cute babydoll dress combo with too short bangs and a bob
I swear I was Matilda reincarnated
minus the magical powers and all 
but who needs magical powers 
when you're a kid in the 90s
anyhow, I was roaming around that
sad little playground when!
     my young eye caught sight of a
    lone red gummy bear
   I swear it glistened on the black rubber ground
  and it whispered "eat me"
  I knew what was good for me, and that I should'nt 
  eat off the floor
 for various reasons (crack, HPV)
 but I had too, it was calling my name
I peered up to the sixth floor gated window
no sight of my mom
I walked over
my Payless sneakers lighting up
preparing me for the magical taste
and then I just picked it up and ate it
and that day has been by far one of the biggest impacts on my life
Do I still eat candy off the floor you ask?
anytime, anyplace
but I've moved on to Swedish Fish
I swear I can smell them from across a room
and anyways, Gummi Bears have gelatin
and I'm a vegetarian
those days are over, but the thought of floral print leggings still entices me.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Tip of the Day # 2 [The Cure All]

There is only one thing that I believe contains magical, unsurmountable power:
Vicks VapoRub
maybe it's because I'm Puerto Rican
and Vicks is equivalent with the Windex of the Greeks
but it truly is an elixir, a cure all, 
a mystical gel cream wonder-doer potion
some may say an even godly gift
my only suggestion it to throw out the safety label
forget that it says "do not put in nostrils"
you should, it is the cure to any runny nose
as my roommate found out yesterday as she was
attacked with fingers coated in the otherworldly substance
it truly
burns so good
not only for illness, Vicks can help cure unattractive growths
put some on pimples,
I learned that from my mom
zip, zap, zoom and they are gone
it helps with muscle aches 
and all that other good stuff
this is an obvious attempt to get in touch with my roots
while escaping sickness
lets call this "cultural procrastination"
but really, most of all,
the smell of Vicks makes me miss my mom.

Sunday, December 13, 2009


I buried my heart in Tompkin's Square,
really I did,
I found a twig by the dog run 
and made a hole to put it in
I put in some Belgian fries, a Metrocard and a pistachio ice cream cone so it wouldn't get lonely while i was away at college
there is this one squirrel that has lived in Tompkin's for years, she's a redhead 
so I named her Lindsay

This is my perpetual nostalgia acting up again
which always seems to happen when I should be doing something important
like figuring out how to be in the Tao & outlining Confucius' beliefs
but who cares about Confucius
when you're just 5 days away from going home
from escaping this snow/hail/rain [in that order]
and finals, and rotting in the library
I hate Poughkeepsie,
I figured my heart would too
that's why I left it behind to mingle with the pigeons
and smell the scents of great New York pizza
and maybe have a conversation with a few knowledgable bums
When I get back, it'll have all these great stories to tell me
while all I'm going to have to say is that the Forever 21 here is really small
and that the squirrels are really incarnations of 
English majors that could'nt find careers-
that's going to be me
maybe then I could be a bum in Tompkin's Square
watching the kids on the tire swings
and eating Belgian fries with the best barbecue sauce in the world.

Tip of the Day #1

Today my roommate asked me my opinion on "French tipped nails"
unless you work in an office:
sad pinstriped collar shirts
knee length skirts
 kitten heeled shoes
all the saddest stuff at Ann Taylor
my answer is no.

Friends don't let friends get French manicures.

Saturday, December 12, 2009


Madeline might be just about the cutest thing, or maybe Madeline & Maisy Mouse
I guess I'm probably thinking about the cartoon characters of my youth
because I feel like I'm getting old
you know, 18 is pretty old
especially when Crayola keeps coming out with these new hi tech gadgets to make
coloring way more complicated
It's like look kids! put down your old school crayons for these light up markers
 that glow in the dark, no real color needed
or waterless paintless paintbrushes
What ever happened to the old days? 
You know, getting a new coloring book from the dollar store 
and a small box of crayons, my black one was always so worn down
and outlining each shape and coloring it very softly inside [for girls]
or scribbling around all out of the lines [for boys]
who needs a light up paintbrush?
or dolls that you can connect to the internet
or zhu zhu pets....what are those anyways?
I guess maybe I'm just old fashioned, maybe its my grandma earrings that are getting to me
but i think its weird that my computer can read back my essays to me 
Nowadays they make paintless finger paints made out of clear gels
listen Crayola, lets get back to basics:
a 16ct box of crayons, 96 if you're feeling spicy
and a simple coloring book
pictures of ponies and dinosaurs
and color by number
connect the dots
maybe some coloring on the walls (like normal kids should do at least once in their lives)
and Barbies, no Bratz, or grown up wifi Dora
just give me my Betty Spaghetty & Polly Pocket
oh, sweet nostalgia.

Friday, December 11, 2009

A Delicious Epiphany

I wish that this picture were larger, 
and maybe gold plated, 
or at least have shiny silver pages and 
lettering like my copy does
because basically: this is my bible.
yes I said it, my bible.
I discovered its magic one lonely day working at a sad boutique
a typical day at a boutique: you know, no customers to buy a 94 dollar sweater for a new born,  no fun, internet browsing, watching episodes of 48 Hours Mystery
that fateful day I stumbled upon the Zagat Survey
it was laying behind some pink post-its and 
dried out highlighters
and it changed my life,
really it did
I'm upset those office supplies hid its
greatness from me for so long
and now I am a true food aficionado. 

Lolita Covers

So Lolita might be the most epic book ever written, maybe I'm biased because I've written about 4 essays on it. 

There's just something about Nabokov
and the way he writes, just like a fairy tale
that gets me every time

What can I say
I have Humbert's venereal appetite
for beautiful imagery
and Lolita's young fervor for
technicolor dresses, 
and soda pop.

I wish my cover of Lolita looked like this, 
I bet she's eating strawberry icecream.
I  bet the only thing I can think about is literature because of my perpetual relationship with the library.

I'm going to escape
these rows of dusty books in a week
and after a long train ride, 
past the dreary Hudson Valley
I'll be back home in the city. 

Strawberry Snow

I'm in the library, looking out the window
procrastinating on revising a creative piece for my English class about deception & lies
you know what's deceptive?
the snow.
It's probably about 20 degrees outside, 
just frigid: 2 sweaters and 2 pairs of socks cold
perfect weather for thigh high leg warmers
but not the perfect weather for ice cream
so the snow sits there and doesn't melt all day, even when the sun shines on it,
but I bet if I had an ice cream cone and held it outside 
it would melt all over my gloves 
so the snow is fooling us all. 
i wish it would just go away.
so i can have a strawberry ice cream cone, 
after all, strawberry is the cutest flavor you could eat. 

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Calling All Rainbow Cookies

Dear Life,

I'm craving rainbow cookies 
and I would like you to deliver them 
right to my dorm room
I'll open the door and pretend to be suprised
and then I'll do the usual...nom them that is
layer by layer
pink then yellow then green
I'm going to be on Ambivalence Avenue
trying to figure out which I like better: 
the colors or the marzipan
Then I'll smile and thank you
I'll shut the door and shuffle back into my bed 
to study Art History


P.S. Thanks Life, you're the best

From the big PK

So here I am, in Poughkeepsie: the least glamorous place on earth  

faded floral couch
and lukewarm hot chocolate
trying to study

swamped with work and school
would rather watch The Office
that's what I should do

come save me from Poughkeepsie
and take me back home

I'm in a cheesy poetic mood I guess, except staring at this swarm of Renaissance art work has got me down. All the lamenting and crucifying is just not pleasant when the weather is so cold and when your hot chocolate has just finished and all you got is the grainy too-sweet syrup at the bottom of the cup. 

At least studying is better than being sick, two days ago I had an epiphany: Dayquil just might be the worst tasting substance on earth. I don't know how kids do it, liquid medicine is just so painful, so utterly vile. Give me grape chewables anyday.

The pain of my existence ^.

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