Wednesday, April 28, 2010

31 Cent Scoop Not

Today is 31 cent scoop night at Baskin Robbins
and instead of standing on an incredibly long line
with 2 dimes, 2 nickels, and a penny
clenched in my hand
I'm in the library, at work
miles away from the nearest Baskin Robbins
and tubs of cookie dough, pistachio, and
strawberry cheesecake ice cream
instead, I'm eating a Sweet & Low mint
now let me tell you, that is not a fair trade off
in my heart I'm wishing for blackberry mocha chip
(no sugar added) ice cream
it's literally the best
it makes me feel like I'm strolling in a field full of puppies,
not exactly, but almost
the sad thing is
that all I have in my wallet is
14 cents,
a packet of Splenda,
and 8 bandaids.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Learning to Drive & Escaping Avant- Garde Torture

So there I was, sitting in the
art history lecture hall
watching odd avant garde films,
think race cars, scrotums,
claustrophobic uteran imagery,
a tap dancing satyr, and ambiguous
asexual creatures with pink wigs and drag queen makeup (seriously)
which is basically the most
disturbing thing
that could possibly be happening
to a fragile girl
who still needed to do the footnotes
on her Dutch art history research paper,
a sad, poor girl who did not know just how long making footnotes actually takes
we were confined to that room,
for 3 whole hours
a fate my friend just couldn't deal with
so she utters these magic words, "I'll take you to Cold Stone"
(basically, with these words anyone could get me to fall at their feet,
and be at their every whim like:
oh haiiii, will you wash the dishes?,
and mind you I do not wash dishes, but I'd gladly comply
oh, will you rub my feet? yessir! what scent of lotion would you like?
clearly I'm a sucker)
specifically she said "If we leave, I'll take you to Coldstone"
with that sentence, the bells and whistles went off in my head
and we broke out only an hour into the torture
under the piercing gaze of our banshee-esque professor
off to Cold Stone we went, to get Birthday Cake Remix
it felt so good to finally have real ice cream
that wasn't being squeezed out of a machine in the Deec
real, creamy, nom ice cream, it was heavenly to experience
brownies, sprinkles and cake batter ice cream all over again
I don't think there's any better food than ice cream
spaghetti, pad thai and omelets are almost as good
anyhow, after the ice cream my friend suggests that I get into the drivers seat
of her nice, shiny, new car
mind you, I have never sat in the driver's seat of a car
and even more importantly, have never put my hands on a steering wheel
she is crazy, but she tried to teach me how to drive
and dammit! it was difficult, I'm surprised most people
can think about that many things at once
look to the left, look to the right, check the mirrors, gas pedal, brake, merge into a turn
I also never knew that a car moves without you pressing the gas
which honestly was quite off putting and a bit troubling to me
and the steering wheel can be turned all the way around
it was a whole new world
my gosh, it was overwhelming
and sometimes my feet had trouble finding the gas
and I apparently have a British tendency to drive in the left lane
but nonetheless I drove, learned not how to break violently
and didn't crash into Men's Warehouse
I wasn't blasting My Humps
but at this rate, that dream is becoming a possibility.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Today Was Beautiful.

Today was beautiful,
it was the type of day that you can only enjoy
by eating a pistachio cone from Ray's Candy Store
and watching the pups
at the Tompkin's Square dog run
the shih tzus, bull dogs
or sitting on a tire swing at the back of the park
spinning, rocking, catching the ice cream drippings
before they slip onto your fingers
or sitting on the small hill
eating a Chocolate, or even better, a banana crunch Entenmann's cake,
preferably without utensils
with a side of green grapes
there was even a sun shower,
and I wish I was on Avenue A to enjoy it
I would stand at the bus stop
under the glass canopy
and watch the slinky buses go by
and the boys on their skateboards
and the girls on their bikes with baskets
and people eating slices of pizza on the go
and I would be happy.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Sugar Sweet Sunshine: My Home a Few Blocks Away From Home

I feel homesick today
but a different type of homesick
for my second home
which definitely is not Vassar,
but the cozy, warm, decadent heaven
of Sugar Sweet Sunshine
nestled on Rivington Street,
it feels just like home, with the sweet smells
of thick buttercream frosting,
sugar cookies, and chocolate
this was my after school spot
a great place to sink into an old floral print arm chair
and listen to people's cupcake orders, envious after consuming 2 cupcakes
instead of reading Wuthering Heights & the like
the floral print wallpaper, and odd array of furniture
make it pleasantly kitschy
this is really my happy place
I even took my Vassar interviewer there
and I had her at pumpkin cupcake
a delish concoction of pumpkin cake topped with
luscious cream cheese frosting & walnuts
that hurts my heart when I think about it,
for it has been so long since I've had the sweet tastes of home
I've been around the cupcake block,
Magnolia's, Crumb's, Butter Lane, Babycakes
and nothing compares
you can go to Magnolia's if you want a long obnoxious line,
Sex & the City fans, a dense, dry, cupcake with hard icing
and a huge tummy ache afterwards
Crumbs if you want massive, bland tasting cake with fun toppings,
Butter Lane for boring & pricey, and Babycakes for oh so sad vegan creations
Sugar Sweet Sunshine tops them all
oh, did I mention the Zagat says this is the best cupcake place in the city?
thats news to me, but the Zagat is holy and therefore is always right
a dollar fifty for a piece of utopia? they got that, and much more
like banana pudding, with Nilla wafers, and cookies in glass jars
but the winner of all noms is the pistachio cupcake
this little baby is the best, and I've never encountered anyone
who doesn't fall fast in love with this creation
topped with Satin Buttercream (the Moose) and crushed pistachio nuts
nom nom nom little green cake
the other best is the classic Sunshine
vanilla cake, with vanilla buttercream
in pretty colors like hot pink & seafoam (my favorites)
its so sweet, it feels like a hug & a kiss from your first crush (I swear)
what's even better than eating the cupcake itself
is the aftermath
they are so moist that cake sticks to the cupcake liners
and my personal favorite part of the whole experience
is hopefully and wistfully scraping the cake bits off the liner
to get that last, divine taste of harmonious delight
just 31 days till I get home
away from Vassar, and into the warm embrace of a Sugar Sweet Sunshine cupcake.

eat your heart out, this is food porn.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Crammed into Perfume Boxes.

I keep all of my old memories
in perfume boxes,
piled high in my closet
a pink floral print box
and a red quilted one
full of old notes,
passed back and forth in 7th grade history class
because our teacher was decrepit,
her hair was see through, and she always wore the same blue lab coat
every single day,
I'm sure everyone had a teacher like this,
ours was named Ms. Tobias
and could never tell when we were passing notes
or cheating on her weekly history exams
I have old letters in decorated envelopes
and empty boxes of Runts candies, those were my favorite
unfinished diaries, because I would always start one and after a week abandon it
and notebooks with lyrics scribbled in the margins
collections of twigs, rocks and feathers gathered in Astoria park
movie tickets and old photos that say Fujifilm on the back
I miss those days before digital cameras were big
when you would have to go to CVS to develop pictures
off your disposable cameras,
what they looked like would always be a surprise
and they would last forever
I sealed up my boxes before I left to college,
they still smelled
like a mixture of the park
mixed with Axe body spray, and Mike and Ikes
the smell of middle school and nostalgia
I think I'm ready to open them back up again
because the years are flying by
and damn, do I feel old.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Golden Age of Ices, Childhood.

I have a research paper due in 4 days
about the Golden Age,
and at this point I feel utterly incapable
I can't really tell you about Ovid's Golden Age
but I can tell you about mine,
it involved a lot of these:
Marino's Italian ices,
apparently kids in the Midwest didn't eat these
apparently kids in the parts of the Midwest don't even have ice cream trucks
how did children live, that sounds like dystopia
but I sure as hell know that all kids in the city loved these
as soon as the temperature creeped above 60 degrees
and out parents would finally let us out of our
awkwardly colored puffy jackets
(I had a red one, probably a silver one too, and they were both ugly as hell)
we could finally run to the candy store and buy an icee (icy, ice)
and it came with the small wooden spoon
which always made it special
eating it at home with a metal spoon never cut it
that was perfect for shaving off little mountains of icee,
probably cherry flavor
cherry was the best, rainbow was also always delish
(they apparently come in chocolate also, which is tickling my fancy right about now)
I remember I would always scrape around it
hoping to get it loose
so that I could strategically flip it over,
which sometimes resulted in the sidewalk
enjoying more of my icee than I did
but after a few spills
my virtuosity grew
and I was able to effortlessly flip the icee over
and scrape all the really icy, super concentrated cherry, gooey, sticky lovely mess
off of the bottom, and it was truly the best part
whilst working on eating the icee, some would melt
and you would be left with a small sip
of cherry juice at the end
and it was just so satisfying
my little chemically red stained lips
would just smile, so refreshed and so content.

For other people who are super nostalgic and remember that yummy stuff at the bottom
I found this on the Marino's website

  • The sugary formation on the bottom of the cup is what many claim to be the best accident to happen to ices! The sugary formation occurs when there is an elapse of time from the moment the ices are put into their cups to the moment they are packaged and sent into the freezers. We had thought to freeze our ices quicker to eliminate the sugary formation but most of our consumers enjoyed it so much, they have asked us to make an entire cup filled with just the sugary formation.

yes please to a whole gallon of that!
now I'm totally craving
all the good eats of my childhood,
the frozen, sugary ones at least

count me in to anything messy, preferably with bubblegum.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Twix Bars and Bus Stop Angels

One day I was standing on
14th street waiting for the 14A bus
it was probably following an after school
trip to Taco Bell (nom) & Forever
after sharing my quesadilla and
cheesy bean & rice burrito, I was still
craving something else
(if you can't tell, I'm so hungry right now,
I don't even remember what a burrito tastes like)
anyhow, my bus was just not coming
and the Avenue D buses continued to pass
1,2,3,4 D's and still no A's (my eternal strife)
in my frustration, I turned to my friends
and said "I really wish I had a Twix right now"
then I heard the voice of angel,
the woman standing next to me took
a cute, fun size Twix bar out of her purse
and handed it to me, she smiled
like all she wanted to do was gift Twix bars
to make teenage girls happy
I love that mystery woman
then my bus came,
and I sat in the back nomming my tiny Twix
eating the chocolate and caramel off first
then savoring the wafer
it was beautiful, and people think New Yorkers aren't nice
untrue is what I say,
most people in the city smile back
no one smiles back here,
or gives me Twix bars.

Monday, April 12, 2010

College, J.LO, & the like.

I really wish I had a frozen lemonade right now
or a big pitcher of the limeade my mom makes for me at home
I also wish I had time for recreational reading
the kind of reading that comes after browsing the library
not in search of some elusive book with a call number
as long as the entire alphabet
the kind of reading I would do when I was 6
in the first grade all that really mattered was
Cam Jansen, the mysterious books about the girl
with the photographic memory, who we all wanted to be
I actually still want to be her
or Amelia Bedelia, the crazy maid
who would make sponge cake with real sponges
and couldn't quite grasp the English language
those were the days before obscure philosophical readings,
manifesto after manifesto
and Hemingway
I would go to my school's library
which was literally a small classroom with some bookshelves
and take out all the books available
on Princess Diana,
I was obsessed with her (so was my roommate)
maybe it was because she was a real life princess
but right after I read every single book I could get my small
magic marker stained hands on
she died, it was a tragedy
I had already lost my first hero, Selena
when I was about 3,
and yes as a 3 year old, she was my everything
and I remember standing in front of my grandma's TV
weeping while watching Univision, maybe Telemundo
she gave me Bidi Bidi Bom Bom
before I could tie my own shoes
I listened to my Selena cassette tape on loop
with my little walkman, and once the first 4 songs were over,
I would have to flip the tape
I miss that
then Princess Diana died,
I healed eventually, when I discovered Egypt
all little kids become obsessed with Egpyt,
pyramids, mummies, the underworld
it's so odd
and the Holocaust at around age 10, but maybe that's just girls
but when I was 10, I couldn't get enough of it
and now, I have no time to read a short story for enjoyment
oh the woes of college

These were my favorite women,

but I must say that now,
my favorite woman, hands down
is Jennifer Lopez,
I might be alone in that
but thats ok, shes the best
and I'm running to the movie theatre
to catch my matinee of The Back Up Plan
while blasting Waiting For Tonight in my Jeep
through the streets of PK (in my dreams).

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I Dream of Jeep-ie

Maybe since my strawberry dream came true today
tonight I will dream of owning a
shiny, beautiful, fierce, bangin', sexy
Jeep Wrangler
and who knows, with the way things are going
you might see me cruisin' around
probably blasting My Humps, literally
in that case,
I'd also have to dream up learning to drive...

Dreams Do Come True.

A couple of weeks ago
I had a dream that I was at the Retreat (other Vassar dining option)
and to my delight they were selling
Vanilla Soy Milk
and strawberries in little plastic cartons
and in my dream I was simply overjoyed
for I love cereal
and its nommier with strawberries and a lil vanilla goodness
this morning at the Retreat I saw a girl eating strawberries
out of a small plastic container
and I immediately ran over,
and alas! in the sad Passover cooler( that had previously housed
with odd, tragic looking concoctions like roasted beets
"Matzorella Lasagna", and "Matzorella Salad"
the word play was cute
but the food looked pitiable)
were small containers each containing 6 juicy strawberries
my heart leaped and jumped
and I let out a squeal of delight
at 2.99 the price is a ripoff
but its so worth it for something other than apples and oranges
I bought two and anxiously explained to the cashier lady
that my dreams were literally coming true
she thought I was a loon, obviously
but hey, I ate those strawberries on my hilltop
sprinkled with Splenda (as everything should be)
whilst soaking up the sun
bronze skin & strawberries,
hey a girl's gotta get her kicks somewhere.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Spring Has Sprung

This weekend was a breakthrough
both on my tan and other important matters
I did not let my nostalgia or homesickness rule
I broke out of the norm,
no more egg white omelets and multigrain toast
I've moved onto scrambled eggs and cheese on an English muffin,
but that wasn't the revolution of this weekend
everything was beautiful,
maybe because I abandoned all my papers and readings and priorities
for blue skies, sandals and a sunny hilltop by Sunset Lake
and for once it felt good not to be in the city
to be away from the movement and
the sounds
(besides the sweet soul sounds of Robin Thicke)
I dearly miss the pigeons,
but I was ok trading them for the robins that would hop around in the grass
sounding like footsteps and awakening me from my sunny slumber
or the occasionally blue jay or cardinal sighting
(and I was overjoyed to see a woodpecker, a real, live woodpecker!!!)
I couldn't hear the hum of car engines or the rumble of subways on old tracks
but I could hear geese overhead and the occasional bee buzzing (quite frightening)
some good ol Vitamin D and combo of UVA UVB made me feel like
I took a short trip to Miami
Spring, you have done a great thing for me and my tan
I am sincerely grateful.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Snowcones & Eden

Things were so much better in middle school
when Astoria Park was like Eden
because in my Eden
the boys are cute,
with awkward middle school haircuts,
band tees and skate shoes
in my Eden water balloon fights
are regular entertainment
and the rocky shores of the East River
littered with disintegrating porn magazines,
soda cans, and empty 25 cent bags of chips,
became our "spot"
a place to hang out, to have first kisses
on those warm spring days
all we needed was a one dollar slice of pizza
maybe a snow cone
if when you're a freshman in college, the conventional date
is a movie, maybe dinner
then, it was sharing a snowcone
an ongoing battle of who'd get to eat the red and blue parts
a game of caution, as to not let the rainbow drips
stain your shirt
playful pushing and pulling
holding hands even when in competition,
a balancing act
it was impossible to ever finish the whole thing
in the flirty, innocent tug o war
it would end up on the sidewalk, or in the grass
all the colors melting into a purple pool
but it was ok,
because kisses always tasted better after a snowcone
a chemical, icy-sweet taste
that I can still almost feel
because my nostalgia is bordering on synesthetic.
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