Sunday, January 31, 2010

Blueberry Pancakes & Happiness at Julie's

There are few things as classic
as a breakfast of fluffy, sumptuous
simply delicious blueberry pancakes
I had been craving these puppies ever since I saw 
Bobby Flay's blueberry pancake Throwdown with 
Clinton St. Baking Company
although it's right by my house
I've never been
and I departed from the 
LES to the big PK without even coming close to tasting their 
famous blueberry pancakes slathered in 
maple butter
I love Bobby Flay more than most 

and watching him compete makes my cravings run wild
so for weeks I've been thinking about 
blueberry pancakes
and sitting down to a bright shining plate of beautiful golden discs
littered with violet blueberries
and glistening maple syrup
you know, just like mom would make
so today I had one of my first culinary pleasures at a diner in the big PK,
something I thought would never happen to me in this sad little town
thank god it did, I start to forget what good food tastes like, 
seeing as the only thing I ever eat are 
egg white omelets
it's a sad fate
but the omelets are the safest and freshest choice 
(does anyone else think omelet doesn't even look like an English word?)
maybe it's just me...from eating too many
anyhow, I went to Julie's Restaurant
a cute little joint with homey wood paneling
a grandma (or yaya) in a great floral print sweater
working alongside her son & daughter
can that get more classic?
I felt like I was on Diners, Drive Ins & Dives
if only Guy Fieri was there, he's my other favorite
these Food Network men live the good life
I'd like to marry one of them
getting back on track,
we ordered blueberry pancakes & a Vassar wrap
the name is not worthy of the amazing food concoction I received
the pancakes were juicy, fluffy, and bursting with blueberries
topped with a sprinkle of powdered sugar, 
so I knew I was actually in heaven
I sipped my huge glass of orange juice and smiled blissfully
seriously, I felt like I was living the high life
I didn't have any fancy maple butter,
but I had a cute little pitcher given to me
by a real grandma, so I knew it was full of love
that beats maple butter any day in my book
and the wrap was full of broccoli, mushrooms, & swiss
in the best, most sturdy and tightly wrapped
special tortilla ever
for some reason Vassar never serves broccoli
so it was a real treat to once again taste my favorite vegetable
as I expressed my thanks & elation to the waiter
after my craving had been satisfied
in response to conversation about all the good restaurants in the city
our waiter said 
"yea, but there is nothing like momma's cooking, and I get to have that everyday"
that broke my heart, because I miss my mom
but Julie could be my surrogate any day, who knows
maybe she'd even let me borrow some floral print.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Wishing for Spring

Today when I woke up
it was 10 degrees, 
10 sad, sad degrees
so I was forced to wear my boyfriend's itchy gray cardigan
I shouldn't complain
since I quite like it,
minus the prickly feeling it gives me on my tummy,
but the quad looked like the tundra today 
and my hat flattens my bangs down
so they jut out 
over my eyes;
I just found an eyelash on my keyboard
a real eyelash, surprisingly not covered in any mascara
I never wish on the mascara covered ones
they just don't seem pure enough to be lucky
to have that wish granting power, you know?
anyhow, this eyelash that I just blew off the tip of my finger 
made me feel a bit better about the weather
if it was a realistic wish, I would have wished for spring
for spring to come right now
so I could wake up, look out my window at the bright green grass
and whip out those open toe shoes once again
for they have been collecting dust in their boxes
I can't wait for spring to finally arrive
so I can eat strawberries
in every way, because I realized that I truly take them for granted
seeing as I haven't had them in months
I'll eat them covered in chocolate and cake icing,
sliced up in my Honey Bunches of Oats in the morning
in their natural state still dewy from being washed as I do my Sociology readings
chopped up in a fruit medley
the possibilities are endless
fruit salad sounds so nice to me right now
just the way my mom used to make it when I was young
sliced apples, crisp
bright green kiwi rounds and sweet pear bit hiding behind juicy orange slices
I'd like to fix myself a bowl of fruit salad
and sit out in the grass and attempt to read
I'd probably spend most of my time brushing the ants off my legs
nevertheless I'd be happy
if spring would just come a bit quicker.

Friday, January 29, 2010


I just got a painful craving for a cinnamon raisin bagel
slathered with cream cheese
I just think everybody should know
this craving hurts
my raspberry coffee has been long finished
I need a break from Gogol and the complication of Russian names
if I was Russian my name would probably be something like Alyssavanava
oh boy
the older women next to me are talking about "firing their glass kilns"
and how they haven't done it in a while
seems like a sexual code,
you know, talk of bowls being "just the right size"
either which way, I need a bagel,
a fat juicy bagel please.

My Heart Belongs to Holden Caulfield

So, J.D. Salinger died 
which actually makes me a bit scared
because Howard Zinn also died
I cannot even count the hours 
I spent learning the
real people's history of the United States 
in his psuedo company
or how many times Holden Caulfield
 made me giggle and 
fall in love in love with him
a tad more with each page I turned in 
Catcher in the Rye
he was so damn charming, I wish he was real
he got me through lonely, hot days at work (bleak times)
I guess he is my ultimate literary crush 
so misanthropic and angsty, as jaded as a guy that young could be
oh, what a boy
a great, great boy...
Michael Jackson died,
Anna Nicole Smith (who I really loved)
Brittany Murphy
and now Heidi Montag has a new face,
the times are really changing
it feels so weird 
gosh, I feel like I'm in the Netherlands in the 17th century
for the first time realizing how temporary and transient everything is
maybe I've been looking at too many Baroque paintings
it's all I Google nowadays
when I should be doing the ten thousand pages of readings I have
Gogol, Marx, Pound...these men are ruling my life
and I just want to sit here, slurping my raspberry iced coffee, 
biting on the straw
and who knows,
maybe Holden will saunter in, wearing a pea coat and plaid scarf
and he'll sit down and complain, huffing and puffing, about all the phonies 
in this here coffee shop,
then maybe he'd ask for my number
and we can go out for a drink
I don't even drink, 
but for Holden I sure would,
maybe I could be that girl that would just knock him out.

"Anyway, I'm sort of glad they've got the atomic bomb invented.  If there's ever another war, I'm going to sit right the hell on top of it.  I'll volunteer for it, I swear to God I will."  ~Holden (J.D. Salinger)

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Back to School Blues & Haikus

It's been a while, 
so I'm promising 
consistent updates 
I've just been struck with the blues ever since the car ride back up to PK 
on that fateful day of 
Martin Luther King
I'm back to le old grind
a life of 50 page long packets of art history reading, 
modernist poetry, absurdist Russian lit, and
dim lecture halls
oh how I long to be home
where alarms don't ring, and I have every TV channel at my fingertips,
along with the best pup ever (for prime time cuddling)
here, there's no DVR, but more importantly no Oxygen
rendering me without the weekly pleasure of watching chaos erupt in the
Bad Girls house,
 which was my first woe of last night
I haven't been able 
to sleep lately, 
I think it's because of the different sights & sounds
I got so used to laying in my bed at night, 
and being able to 
see the stars out of my window without even 
getting up
now when I look out from beneath my covers I see the irritatingly insistent
small, green flashing light on the fire alarm
I toss and turn at night and its fast blinking just teases me
so now I'm an apparent insomniac
afflicted by late night screaming on the quad,
a far departure from the hum and rumble of the J,M,Z trains 
as they traveled across the Williamsburg bridge
oh, what a lullaby
I'm in the haiku writing mood today,
inspired by a haiku I wrote about my roommate's nightmarish travel experience
on her way from Minnesota to PK
a trip that can be summarized in starvation (4 chicken nuggets), 
multiple flight cancellations, brooding in Detroit, lost baggage, sick passengers, 
and finally
deaf need for further explanation
think signing whilst doing CPR
basically, the trip was a plain catastrophe, 
poor roomie I dedicate my haikus to you

deaf paramedics
sirens and lights flashing
wheel chair malfunctions

I dreamt last night, of
sitting in a yellow bath
no qualms, just smiles

personal pizza
give me caprese, basil
personal heaven

Dear Dostoevsky,
How can I tell if I'm an 
underground woman?

Friday, January 15, 2010

Inspiration: Pinup

Inspiration: Cameo

This is my new, dangerous obsession

The Unfortunate Mishaps of My Winter Break Pt.1

I feel happy enough after discovering Polyvore
and being able to technically shop and put together outfits without spending any cash
that I'm about ready to relive all the unfortunate things 
that happened to me over the last couple of weeks
most which ended in paranoia & tears
I usually have the most unbelievable good luck
winning contests, finding money in H&M right when I wanted to buy a new skirt etc etc
so my turn of luck was a real surprise to me
and it all started on that ill fated day I was wearing my lucky underwear 
and broke my favorite booties
I just got them fixed yesterday, and I didn't even feel any better
my bad luck was just amplified over winter break
all starting a couple of weeks ago on my way to ice skate

I was so pumped,pumped for a day of free ice skating 
at Bryant Parkand trying a new Jamba light smoothie,the Berry Fulfilling one
too bad it didn't have a name associated with Buddhism
like Strawberry Nirvana & Mango Mantra
especially when I have been collecting such good karma,
like finding a kid's cell phone on St. Marks & 
calling his mom and going to his school to return it
he was a 6th grader, that really touched my heart
I held his shiny new Nokia in my hand and 
I was on a mission to restore happiness to his young heart
for I remembered when I was in the 6th grade and I got my first cell phone
a pretty decent silver LG flip phone
all black and white, no camera, nothing special
I still had the nicest phone of all my friends anyhow, I was successful in returning the phone
and it warmed my heart when the boy's mother fervently asked God to bless me
so I felt great, like a good Samaritan full of good deeds and oncoming good luck
so to my suprise & sadness as I stood in the 14th St. station waiting for
my beloved F train, peering into the dark tunnel for any sign of an oncoming train
it seemed like the perfect photo op
so I swiftly took out my camera and stepped back from
the scary edge of the platform
oddly my memory card was full
although I had just deleted all the pictures off of it 
curious I opened my camera, stepped back from the edge of the platform and 
pressed the memory card so that it would pop out a bit and I could grab it
yet, to my surprise the memory card not only popped out...
but literally jumped out of the camera and hopped right into the subway tracks
then a rat came by, and I just hoped it would pick up my memory card and gnaw at it 
so I could just really cry
I still went uptown, after waiting around for an MIA MTA employee to find my card
yea right, that was never going to happen
then in Jamba Juice they served me hard oatmeal
I refused to go ice skating for fear I would fall and someone would roll over each one of my small fingers 
with the shiny blade of their skate, 
resulting in a bloody rink and a maimed me.


Inspiration: Wuthering Heights

Inspiration: Claire Huxtable

Thursday, January 14, 2010

My Little Tribute to Vintage Sitcom Fashion

Before the mass production of tube bras in various prints by 
American Apparel there was 
Ginger from Gilligan's Island
rocking a super chic floral print
now that's what I'm talking about
(it's sad how much I love floral)
before Lady Gaga describing herself best as red PVC fabric
there  was Janet 
from Three's Company
Janet, Chrissy, Claire,
Ginger, & Mary Anne
in all their chic, glamorous, jumpsuited, high waisted, fabulousness & glory are why 
TV Land should be the 
new Style Network.

My Sea of Treasures:The Salvation Army

Speaking of the sea & treasures, 
before I start my speech about the greatness of the Salvation Army
I must say that I am just so done 
with the continuous return of the 
nautical trend for every single spring season 
I can remember
stripes are fine
but I could really do without the racks and racks of kitschy, tacky
clothes and accessories adorned with rhinestoned anchors and such,
it all really just grinds my gears
                                                    anyway, on the same day I went to Strand I got a bit distracted from my venture to buy cheap books for Spring Semester when the Salvation Army caught my eye
with only 20 extra dollars to spend and a dream I ambled in to the store
and was immediately welcomed by the musty smell of old, unwanted clothes that hold decades of history
and shelves of dusty romance novels and pregnancy books hiding the occasional classic or
contemporary treasure
I've scored numerous amazingly lucky deals at the Salvation Army
vintage YSL belts, lacy lingerie tops to pair with some great boots
cute vintage lunchbox style purses, waist belts with classically vintage gold belt buckles
among other treasures hidden on racks beneath the clouds 
of stained, slightly smelly mystery clothes
anyway, on this particular occasion I was on a mission for...blazers
I'm just obsessed studs, mismatched buttons, ruffles, velvet, cropped, any type: I love em all
preferably with shoulder pads, the define shoulders in a blazer are a classic
and cannot be found in new clothes, Forever 21 & Urban just don't get it
the shoulder pads are essential
go big or go home and wear a cardigan instead
so after scoring a cropped bolero style Ann Taylor, complete with killer shoulders,
a gorgeous gray number with vintage gold buttons and crop sleeves,
and The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri [who I just adore] I was set
thank you Salvation Army for bringing us treasures hidden under piles of junk
I'm always tempted to rummage through the lingerie bins for lacy finds...
but upon touching someone else's old white lace bra 
(there are more white lace bras than anything) and full coverage lacy panties I can't really go on
I mean, I don't know if it is ok to have my hands relive dozens of womens' dirty memories and 
sex extravaganzas to find a good deal
anyhoo, my love for blazers, shoulder pads, and vintage wonder
is what connects to the Cosby Show
on top of the fact that Bill Cosby is just a comedic genius 
and the show is just so laugh out loud funny and genuine and just great
I must say, I love the way the girls dress
maybe all those costumes ended up in a Salvation Army
but Claire's (the mom's) gold brooches, Technicolor jumpsuits & grandma earrings just 
tickle my fancy & send me into fits of admiration, inspiration & envy
and let me tell you, that woman knows how to rock shoulder pads,
red lipstick & sass better than anyone else I've seen
I'm forever going to be stuck in the past, the days of cooler boots, gold-er accessories, 
awesome sitcoms, and even more awesome books
TV Land, here I come.

My Love Affair with William Faulkner

So I was just in the shower thinking 
about my next blog post
following my strict regimen of shampoo, conditioner, brush teeth, soap, rinse hair
or so I thought...
in my excitement to blog I was conditioning my hair
and could not remember whether or not I shampooed it
which is ridiculous, an 18 year old should not be experiencing that sort of memory loss
nonetheless, I shampooed and conditioned all over again, just in case
and I promise myself never to let blogging cloud my rationality or memory ever again
now, lets get to the goods:
amidst the tragedy of going back to school comes the misery of buying new books
I mean, I'm super excited for my classes
quick summary: American Modernism, art history, 
17th century Flemish painting, & Alice in Wonderland
yes, sounds amazing but the bill for my books doesn't
so I moseyed on over to Strand to buy books for my English class
which actually was a complete joy, because Faulkner is on my reading list
yes ladies and gents...William Faulkner, the one of the ultimate loves of my life
I know some girls swoon over abs, and charm 
but what really makes my heart beat is beautiful prose
throw me some sensuous imagery & a lush metaphor 
and basically you got me 
which is why I love Faulkner
with his Southern Charm, thick mustache, and pensive gaze, 
I'm just hooked
what can I say? he even makes tweed look good
and everyone already knows my thoughts on tweed...that vile fabric
anyway, in all his mustachioed glory Faulkner is my man 
so there I was, sitting on the couch, watching back to back episodes of True Life 
all tutu-ed and floral-printed out reading The Sound & the Fury,
just in heaven,
transported to the South amidst moral decay
then, I dropped my book and it opened to page 125
and a certain sentence seemed to glow on the page
I swear the sunlight was streaming through the window 
like it was Christ's second coming or something
and I read that lovely sentence 
"Her face was like a cup of milk dashed with coffee in the sweet warm emptiness"
there it is, that is romantic, that is love
that is a bouquet of roses and a love poem and a dinner for two wrapped up into one sentence
and that is why I am in love sounds like I really miss English class
so shoot me, maybe I do
but I'd much rather conduct English class from my couch with my fleece robot blanket.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

MAX, my Italian love

Long time no blog eh?
I've been soaking up my last days of being home
in the wonderful city,
trying to distract myself from the fate that awaits me in Poughkeepsie
long nights in the library reading while half asleep,
shopping being limited to 3 hours on the weekend after enduring a 
sweaty, obnoxious shuttle ride 
vending machines with Swedish Fish but no Sour Patch Kids 
(which should constitute a crime)
gross clumps of hair in the shower drain
frigid toilet seats that give me a surprisingly unpleasant jolt in the mornings
(people just love to leave the bathroom windows open)
but amongst those other nightmares that bring me
oodles of gloom
is the watered down pasta sauce that sadly coats the 
spaghetti, penne and all other things Italian
You know what I realized in college?
how much I love spaghetti, it was always one of those things I took for granted
never realizing the joy that those noodles could bring to my heart 
when slurped and enjoyed with plenty of thick, tasty sauce
spaghetti is so simple, so classic, so key to life honestly
that the college dining experience can 
massacre something so simply delicious
is beyond me, it is an utter shame
so as I enjoyed my first plate of spaghetti and meatless meatballs
I was elated, transported to another world of pizza and mama's pasta sauce
but that wasn't enough for me, I love my mother, but she is not Italian
I need some of nonna's cooking to satisfy my Italian cravings
the cravings my roommate knows much about
because instead of counting sheep at night, we talk about food until we are drowsy
best cure for restlessness, ever
anyway, the only way to satisfy, and possibly perpetuate 
[perpetuate is such a Vassar word, ew]
my craving for Italian was to visit the best Italian restaurant I know
MAX, on 4th and Avenue B, otherwise known as heaven
which the Zagat gave a 22 for  food, 15 for decor, and 16 for service
boo! I say to the 22 & 15!
for the dark rustic ambiance of the place takes me to another world
as does the food, after ordering Caprese & 
homemade gnocchi with tomato sauce, basil & mozzarella
I was set, ready for some sweet Italian loving
loving that I definitely cannot find at Vassar
the fresh mozzarella, tomato & basil were out of this world
and made me wish I was Italian for a few seconds...maybe a few minutes
so that I could have a fresh, moist little lump of mozzarella inhabiting my fridge at all times
then, the gnocchi came and I was instantly transported to a world of Vespas & gelato
a deep bowl of tiny potato love pockets in thick sauce, 
& cheese that was so melty and stretchy
I'm salivating just reliving the experience
those gnocchi made the gnocchi at Vassar look like fat maggots swimming in dirty red water
that sounds really gross actually...
anyhow, I love the Jersey Shore and everything
but the true Italian essence was in New York City, sitting in my bowl drowning in cheese.

This is exactly what I would look like if I was Italian, it's just uncanny.

Saturday, January 2, 2010


So, after literally shedding tears over the demise of Penny Licks
it was really hard for me to summons up 
the strength to get dressed, curl my hair, and leave my house
but boy, was it worth it
after crying and lamenting about my vegan cookie dough ice cream
nothing seemed right,
I swear it is because I have a Vitamin D deficiency
all the days of playing N64 & Wii and watching hours of Spongebob
[my dream vacation]
got to me, and I really needed some sunlight
for some serious depression [or maybe shopping withdrawal]
was setting in, I even began looking for food sources of Vitamin D
most of which I cant eat (cod liver oil)
or don't have (swiss cheese)
I'm beginning to feel like I've become a hypochondriac 
that's dangerous
seeing as I have WedMD in my bookmarks bar
it's always something with me, 
something that can usually be cured with some sort of retail therapy
if only doctors knew the secret to good health...
there would be no more prescriptions of medication
just gift cards
everyone would be healthy
I swear, I could cure sickness with this idea
oh, you have a cold?
go spend this $25 dollar gift card at Forever 
oh, a fever and chills?
$50 bucks at Urban should have you feeling brand new
I don't really know how much one would give for terminal illnesses
thats blurry territory...I'm not even gonna go there
just common illnesses
after the tears, and a breakdown about my lack of boots
I ventured out to fill up on Vitamin D with a side of 50 mph winds
and I ended up in Steve Madden
where I fell in love & scored
all my life's problems faded away when I felt the 
knee high platform beauties on my feet
Thank you doctor
I followed that beautiful experience with Jamba Juice
my first ever
my Strawberry Nirvana Smoothie filled my tummy with
happy bubbles and sparkling flavor
that smoothie would cure anything just as good as penicillin
I felt enlightened
for a second I was a true Bodhisattva
and then, as I slurped my smoothie
the Spice Girls came on
Spice Up Your Life to be exact
so I bopped & grooved
and thought 
"It's my lucky day, they are playing the Spice Girls in Jamba Juice"
ahhhh, this feels like redemption.

New Year, New Woe: The Death of Penny Licks

Dear 2010,
2009 was particularly shitty
and I had some hope for what you were bringing to the table,
after celebrating New Years with 
pina coladas & the Puerto Rican masterpiece of a concoction: coquito
I thought that maybe you were on my side,
I thought wrong because 
ruin came to my holidays
Penny Licks is closed, for good
I get unusually attached to cutesy, kitsch 
dessert joints in my favorite neighborhoods
my first love was Sugar Sweet Sunshine
the best cupcake shop nestled on Rivington
where the pistachio cupcakes are to die for
and the soft, falling apart array of arm chairs
just suck you in
last year, around the New Year it was closed for a week
My heart sunk at the thought of its demise
no more Bob cupcakes with 
chocolate almond icing and no more strawberry cupcakes with sweet
cream cheese icing and 
heart sprinkles that gave me butterflies
luckily, I was not aware of their vacation period that fell right around Christmas, and my 
heart's joy was fulfilled when I could once again relish in their cupcakes galore
I loved this little place so much
I wrote about it in my Vassar college application & took my interviewer there
I like to think she loved me for me, but she might have just been wooed by the
decadent pumpkin cupcake I ordered for her 
my life is ruined, for Penny Licks has left me
Williamsburg is weeping
the days of stopping in after hitting up my favorite vintage stores & the Salvation army 
are OVER
no more tiny, one dollar cones in assorted vegan flavors
that are actually better than real ice cream
or towering, lumpy scoops of vegan cookie dough 
topped high on a simple sugar cone
to scoop up with my vegan banana chocolate chip oatmeal cookie
yes, I said it: banana chocolate chip oatmeal cookie
a huuuuuuge award worthy cookie with fat chocolate chips and 
great banana flavor
my heart is sobbing at the mere memory
all I ever needed was a new pair of boots, a beautiful cone and a lumpy cookie and I was set
now where will I find that same love?
absolutely nowhere
never will I be able to soothe my ice cream craving & vintage obsession at the same time
so my verdict is that life sucks
and the world is going to the goons
that's the only way I can describe my feelings
because if I cannot have tasty vegan treats at my heart's desire
what can I have?
surely not happiness.

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