Formula for the Perfect Day

At Vassar, the Leprechaun bus is the quintessential symbol of escapism

the mall, the train station, Stop & Shop

are the basic adventures that Leprechaun will make possible

and most of the time, that's just fine with me

because I usually just get my kicks from food shopping and browsing at H&M

but on Saturday, the Leprechaun bus came in jumbo size

with TVs that broadcasted Zoolander to take me to Six Flags

and so my perfect day began:

One super sized Leprechaun (or any available charter bus)

minus Vassar

plus awesome roller coasters

I love roller coasters almost more than anything else

a bit less than I love ice cream

but thats a whole lotta love

the more apprehensive I am to put my hands up,

the steeper the drops,

and the more terror involved

the better

what can I say? I'm just a simple thrill seeker

and that's why I love wooden roller coasters

they are the best because every second you feel like

some bolts and screws are going to loosen

and crash the little cart will go

plus Cookies & Cream Dippin Dots

I've said this a thousand times

but Dippin Dots are just to delish

and love them

over and over again forever

om nom nom

I told the girl working in the little Dippin Dots booth

that she had my dream job

and because it was 90 degrees

and she was wearing long khakis and a neon yellow polo

whilst working in a small box

she must have thought I was mocking her

I wasn't

plus Johnny Rockets onion rings

which are definitely the best I've ever had

especially because they come with ranch dipping sauce

and extra crunch

and they are never especially fat, gross slices of onions

at Six Flags the ranch came in packets and not in a small plastic cup

and at first I was disappointed

but! I realized they had many other condiments available

and I seriously love condiments

I literally had a condiment buffet with a side of onion rings

ranch, honey mustard, barbeque, sweet&sour

it was blissful

plus a large watermelon icee

which really speaks for itself

when its 90 degrees outside

and you've been waiting on lines for hours

plus a sweet dinner at an outdoor table

at Babycakes, its the best thing to eat outside at night

and let me tell you, the lemon thyme vinaigrette on some baby greens

is out of this world

and lastly, add Tom Poppa & The Marriage Ref

Tom Poppa has great suits, and an annoying laugh

its always funny to watch couples arguing about country line dancing,

not having enough sex, and odd home furnishings

plus, he does a great puppy impression

and that all equals a best day, and a very happy me.

31 Cent Scoop Not

Today is 31 cent scoop night at Baskin Robbins

and instead of standing on an incredibly long line

with 2 dimes, 2 nickels, and a penny

clenched in my hand

I'm in the library, at work

miles away from the nearest Baskin Robbins

and tubs of cookie dough, pistachio, and

strawberry cheesecake ice cream

instead, I'm eating a Sweet & Low mint

now let me tell you, that is not a fair trade off

in my heart I'm wishing for blackberry mocha chip

(no sugar added) ice cream

it's literally the best

it makes me feel like I'm strolling in a field full of puppies,

not exactly, but almost

the sad thing is

that all I have in my wallet is

14 cents,

a packet of Splenda,

and 8 bandaids.

Learning to Drive & Escaping Avant- Garde Torture

So there I was, sitting in the

art history lecture hall

watching odd avant garde films,

think race cars, scrotums,

claustrophobic uteran imagery,

a tap dancing satyr, and ambiguous

asexual creatures with pink wigs and drag queen makeup (seriously)

which is basically the most

disturbing thing

that could possibly be happening

to a fragile girl

who still needed to do the footnotes

on her Dutch art history research paper,

a sad, poor girl who did not know just how long making footnotes actually takes

we were confined to that room,

for 3 whole hours

a fate my friend just couldn't deal with

so she utters these magic words, "I'll take you to Cold Stone"

(basically, with these words anyone could get me to fall at their feet,

and be at their every whim like:

oh haiiii, will you wash the dishes?,

and mind you I do not wash dishes, but I'd gladly comply

oh, will you rub my feet? yessir! what scent of lotion would you like?

clearly I'm a sucker)

specifically she said "If we leave, I'll take you to Coldstone"

with that sentence, the bells and whistles went off in my head

and we broke out only an hour into the torture

under the piercing gaze of our banshee-esque professor

off to Cold Stone we went, to get Birthday Cake Remix

it felt so good to finally have real ice cream

that wasn't being squeezed out of a machine in the Deec

real, creamy, nom ice cream, it was heavenly to experience

brownies, sprinkles and cake batter ice cream all over again

I don't think there's any better food than ice cream

spaghetti, pad thai and omelets are almost as good

anyhow, after the ice cream my friend suggests that I get into the drivers seat

of her nice, shiny, new car

mind you, I have never sat in the driver's seat of a car

and even more importantly, have never put my hands on a steering wheel

she is crazy, but she tried to teach me how to drive

and dammit! it was difficult, I'm surprised most people

can think about that many things at once

look to the left, look to the right, check the mirrors, gas pedal, brake, merge into a turn

I also never knew that a car moves without you pressing the gas

which honestly was quite off putting and a bit troubling to me

and the steering wheel can be turned all the way around

it was a whole new world

my gosh, it was overwhelming

and sometimes my feet had trouble finding the gas

and I apparently have a British tendency to drive in the left lane

but nonetheless I drove, learned not how to break violently

and didn't crash into Men's Warehouse

I wasn't blasting My Humps

but at this rate, that dream is becoming a possibility.

Today Was Beautiful.

Today was beautiful,

it was the type of day that you can only enjoy

by eating a pistachio cone from Ray's Candy Store

and watching the pups

at the Tompkin's Square dog run

the shih tzus, bull dogs

or sitting on a tire swing at the back of the park

spinning, rocking, catching the ice cream drippings

before they slip onto your fingers

or sitting on the small hill

eating a Chocolate, or even better, a banana crunch Entenmann's cake,

preferably without utensils

with a side of green grapes

there was even a sun shower,

and I wish I was on Avenue A to enjoy it

I would stand at the bus stop

under the glass canopy

and watch the slinky buses go by

and the boys on their skateboards

and the girls on their bikes with baskets

and people eating slices of pizza on the go

and I would be happy.

Sugar Sweet Sunshine: My Home a Few Blocks Away From Home

I feel homesick today

but a different type of homesick

for my second home

which definitely is not Vassar,

but the cozy, warm, decadent heaven

of Sugar Sweet Sunshine

nestled on Rivington Street,

it feels just like home, with the sweet smells

of thick buttercream frosting,

sugar cookies, and chocolate

this was my after school spot

a great place to sink into an old floral print arm chair

and listen to people's cupcake orders, envious after consuming 2 cupcakes

instead of reading Wuthering Heights & the like

the floral print wallpaper, and odd array of furniture

make it pleasantly kitschy

this is really my happy place

I even took my Vassar interviewer there

and I had her at pumpkin cupcake

a delish concoction of pumpkin cake topped with

luscious cream cheese frosting & walnuts

that hurts my heart when I think about it,

for it has been so long since I've had the sweet tastes of home

I've been around the cupcake block,

Magnolia's, Crumb's, Butter Lane, Babycakes

and nothing compares

you can go to Magnolia's if you want a long obnoxious line,

Sex & the City fans, a dense, dry, cupcake with hard icing

and a huge tummy ache afterwards

Crumbs if you want massive, bland tasting cake with fun toppings,

Butter Lane for boring & pricey, and Babycakes for oh so sad vegan creations

Sugar Sweet Sunshine tops them all

oh, did I mention the Zagat says this is the best cupcake place in the city?

thats news to me, but the Zagat is holy and therefore is always right

a dollar fifty for a piece of utopia? they got that, and much more

like banana pudding, with Nilla wafers, and cookies in glass jars

but the winner of all noms is the pistachio cupcake

this little baby is the best, and I've never encountered anyone

who doesn't fall fast in love with this creation

topped with Satin Buttercream (the Moose) and crushed pistachio nuts

nom nom nom little green cake

the other best is the classic Sunshine

vanilla cake, with vanilla buttercream

in pretty colors like hot pink & seafoam (my favorites)

its so sweet, it feels like a hug & a kiss from your first crush (I swear)

what's even better than eating the cupcake itself

is the aftermath

they are so moist that cake sticks to the cupcake liners

and my personal favorite part of the whole experience

is hopefully and wistfully scraping the cake bits off the liner

to get that last, divine taste of harmonious delight

just 31 days till I get home

away from Vassar, and into the warm embrace of a Sugar Sweet Sunshine cupcake.

eat your heart out, this is food porn.

Crammed into Perfume Boxes.

I keep all of my old memories

in perfume boxes,

piled high in my closet

a pink floral print box

and a red quilted one

full of old notes,

passed back and forth in 7th grade history class

because our teacher was decrepit,

her hair was see through, and she always wore the same blue lab coat

every single day,

I'm sure everyone had a teacher like this,

ours was named Ms. Tobias

and could never tell when we were passing notes

or cheating on her weekly history exams

I have old letters in decorated envelopes

and empty boxes of Runts candies, those were my favorite

unfinished diaries, because I would always start one and after a week abandon it

and notebooks with lyrics scribbled in the margins

collections of twigs, rocks and feathers gathered in Astoria park

movie tickets and old photos that say Fujifilm on the back

I miss those days before digital cameras were big

when you would have to go to CVS to develop pictures

off your disposable cameras,

what they looked like would always be a surprise

and they would last forever

I sealed up my boxes before I left to college,

they still smelled

like a mixture of the park

mixed with Axe body spray, and Mike and Ikes

the smell of middle school and nostalgia

I think I'm ready to open them back up again

because the years are flying by

and damn, do I feel old.

The Golden Age of Ices, Childhood.

I have a research paper due in 4 days

about the Golden Age,

and at this point I feel utterly incapable

I can't really tell you about Ovid's Golden Age

but I can tell you about mine,

it involved a lot of these:

Marino's Italian ices,

apparently kids in the Midwest didn't eat these

apparently kids in the parts of the Midwest don't even have ice cream trucks

how did children live, that sounds like dystopia

but I sure as hell know that all kids in the city loved these

as soon as the temperature creeped above 60 degrees

and out parents would finally let us out of our

awkwardly colored puffy jackets

(I had a red one, probably a silver one too, and they were both ugly as hell)

we could finally run to the candy store and buy an icee (icy, ice)

and it came with the small wooden spoon

which always made it special

eating it at home with a metal spoon never cut it

that was perfect for shaving off little mountains of icee,

probably cherry flavor

cherry was the best, rainbow was also always delish

(they apparently come in chocolate also, which is tickling my fancy right about now)

I remember I would always scrape around it

hoping to get it loose

so that I could strategically flip it over,

which sometimes resulted in the sidewalk

enjoying more of my icee than I did

but after a few spills

my virtuosity grew

and I was able to effortlessly flip the icee over

and scrape all the really icy, super concentrated cherry, gooey, sticky lovely mess

off of the bottom, and it was truly the best part

whilst working on eating the icee, some would melt

and you would be left with a small sip

of cherry juice at the end

and it was just so satisfying

afterward,

my little chemically red stained lips

would just smile, so refreshed and so content.

For other people who are super nostalgic and remember that yummy stuff at the bottom

I found this on the Marino's website

WHY DOES THAT SUGARY FORMATION OCCUR ON THE BOTTOM OF THE CUP?

• The sugary formation on the bottom of the cup is what many claim to be the best accident to happen to ices! The sugary formation occurs when there is an elapse of time from the moment the ices are put into their cups to the moment they are packaged and sent into the freezers. We had thought to freeze our ices quicker to eliminate the sugary formation but most of our consumers enjoyed it so much, they have asked us to make an entire cup filled with just the sugary formation.

yes please to a whole gallon of that!

now I'm totally craving

all the good eats of my childhood,

the frozen, sugary ones at least

count me in to anything messy, preferably with bubblegum.